Life And Lessons – Part 2

I’m back with my second post of my series “Life And Lessons”. I’m so happy for the love and support I received in the previous day. Thank you so much to everyone for your kindness. It means a lot to me. Without further delay, let’s get into our next part.

Another major lesson I learned or is still learning is in the department of self-love and self-esteem. I had a really bad childhood which was the timeline that might have caused me problems in these areas of life. I grew up feeling different from the people around me, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It wasn’t just my feeling but the fact. Nobody gets me. Also I have came across many bullies and toxic people all along. I have been bullied for not being masculine and for being too sensitive, empathetic, introverted and not having interest in things that usually boys choose to do. The first time I was bullied was in 1st standard of my school. I do not understand why one of my classmate made fun of me for being sensitive. What does we, 6 year old guys, knew about sensitivity and masculinity!?

So my school life was horrible with these craps which made me hate myself and I still remember this incident. While I was attending a wedding of my relative where an uncle, a distant relative insulted me publicly for being feminine, in front of many people. I smiled and pretended I was fine while my eyes where fighting to control the tears. It is not the first time he did this to me. I was shattered that day. I started to hate myself even more. Then I started to pull myself from such social events. I only attended those which really needed my presence.

Back when I was In 8th and then in 10th standard when I had to face some questions from crappy classmates. They all were directing their venom towards my family indirectly. As soon I knew that I thought they also are effected by me and I did not wanted to be a burden to them.

My family deserves a mention here. They were with me all along in this journey with me. My love and gratitude towards them is ineffable. Their love and care was the only reason I survived all these incidents. They are my strength. They did not understood me, but they had faith in me. They made me realize that sometimes you don’t need to be understood, just love and support can give you strength and courage.

When I look into my past I could only see acting. Me acting like the guys around me, adapting ideal masculine behavior. I tried to leave the generous, kind, my true self behind. I tried to fit in. I failed every time. But I try again, only because I wanted to get rid of those insults and pain they caused me. Whenever I tried to defend them I saw their enthusiasm intensified.

Those insults even made me think of ending my life not once, not twice but thrice. In my childhood I used pray god to kill me. I still remember those nights I cry myself to sleep praying to god to send me death. Much better in nowadays people don’t bully me directly. Instead they make fun of me behind my back. I know they do.

I’m so done with these bullies and judgemental mind of the society. How many suicides you people need to know that things you say hurt? Just because someone is different why would you all need to be against of them? in a sense, we all are unique, aren’t we? Thanks to my two best friends as well, for accepting me in the way I am.

Now I want to thank my bullies and others who tried to throw disgrace on me. You made realize how strong I am. You all reminded that people can tear my self-esteem but not my spirit. You all did nothing but was keep reminding me who I truly am. You all made me capable of figuring out myself, at a time when I had no idea about myself. The flaws you all saw in me are my biggest strength. Those flaws made me capable of overcome all these hardships and made me the person that today I am.

It all changed because I was exhausted by with all these acting and try to fit in. I hit the rock bottom. During a meditation, I got this intuitive message that “I need to stop being hard on myself. Why should I give importance the comments of people who are there only in a fraction of my life? Don’t act blind, answer is around you.”. Later on, my life was magical. I unexpectedly started seeing videos and posts of people who has similar issues to mine and only then I realized I’m not alone or I am not abnormal. One of my best friend literally asked me “What’s wrong with being different?” while another friend told me “some people are different because they are here to make a difference.”. To be honest the above mentioned friends of mine are my intuition and hopefully, angels.

Now I am completely in the process of accepting and loving myself. I’m committed to it. Nobody knows about all these incidents happened to me, not even my family and very closest friends. I was keeping this only to myself because I never wanted people to know. I might not be able to help each and every people who are going through a situation similar to mine. But I’m writing this post with a hope that someday someone who’s in need might come across my blog and read this post. I only wanted to let them know you are fantastic!!! you made it to this point and I am proud of you amazing spirit… I love you and keep going on. Realize that you are truly beautiful when you are being yourself. Don’t hate yourself for somebody that you are not, like I did, but love yourself for who you are. You are special.

You must realize that only after a googolplex (which is 1 followed by 10ยนโฐโฐ zeroes) number of DNA combinations to form another you. It would take millions of years from now on. Even it happens so their personality would be entirely different from you due to their culture, background, and socio-economic situations and other factors. So take a moment and think, Do we need to hide and be afraid? Do we need to hate ourselves for people with scarce mentality who are always looking up to find flaws and bully us?

I know those words will not be a final resolution to your situation. But I wholeheartedly believe that you shall overcome. I am here to support you. Not for the sake of saying, but I will do anything I am able to do to support you. You can always get me at my social media accounts:

  1. Twitter : @VysagMurali
  2. Instagram : @Vysag.Murali

As I end this post, I wanted to say thank the God/Universe for giving me the strength and courage to overcome all these struggles. Once I used to think that my life is a mess and it won’t be peaceful anymore. I have asked a thousand times why all these happening to me?, and now I realize why, somebody out there might be in need would be benefited from this post. That’s the only motive behind writing this post.

I also want to let the bullies out there know that bullying is not right. It does nothing but bad. Think twice before you say something. It might be funny and makes you laugh. But it makes others feel bad about them and leads to hate for being who they are. Grow up people. Just because of someone is different than you, you have no right to look down upon them.

Dear society, guess what? standing out is the new fitting in! ๐Ÿ˜‰

We all need to realize that the universe would not give us anything that we are not capable of tolerate or overcome. Everything happens for a reason, a good reason, to be specific. Whatever you have gone through, or going through, how hard it could be, is only there for the growth of you as an individual, for the growth of your soul. You will learn so many lessons and even you might share it in your blog or any other social media. Be proud of who you are, be grateful for being who you are. You are enough!

With so much love

Vysag

ยฉSilent Story Of Vysag

24 thoughts on “Life And Lessons – Part 2

      1. No.. you’re like one among the few people who has been with me since the inception of this blog. How could I forget you then!? ๐Ÿ˜€ The support you’ve been giving me is priceless!

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  1. Dear Vysag Murali,

    You have a unique and powerful way of expressing the Power that you Are through the written word. I have great respect for you, and the talent that is pouring through you. I rarely comment on others’ blogs (not because I don’t like them; just because I’m usually busy writing). Your writing–not can–but “is” elevating the world and others who need to read what you’re sharing. Please continue to let your Light shine. You are a creation of That which is the Highest of the High–the Supreme.
    I wept while reading your article. Bless you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much! Your feedback means a lot to me. I’m so happy that you took your precious time out to read my experience. I feel happy knowing that I’m doing something good and the world will be benefited from it. Love and gratitude! ๐Ÿ™

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi Vysag,
    I did not offer my thoughts on the content proper in your first post. I offered support that springs from like-mindedness. I saw it more meaningful to share content related comments alongside your second post, of part 2. I have also read your post on โ€œThe art of discovering yourselfโ€.

    I am (need to) learning how to write simply and impactful from reading both post. This is one of the lingering impressions. The other impression is how much in-common we share although the reasons that birthed these common experiences differ. There are also occasions where our commonality ceases to be apparent. This is natural for each of us are truly unique after all. While it seems I am comparing, I am not. I am resonating with the symphony of your life.
    I have walked this journey of finding new purpose and meaning after my mum passed away in Dec 2018. To compress a long narrative of about 5000 words which I will share in my blog one day, my mum until her passing gives form and substance to my purpose and meaning.

    This journey as you wisely pointed out, is transformative. The many selves that makes us- the false self, the feared self, the ideal self and the social self that people normally experience are all existing within the shadows of the past, the transparency of the present and the fog of the future. Certain resources helped me,
    1. The Bible.
    2. A constant companion to jostle with me daily as I reflect โ€“ my beloved wife of 20 years.
    3. The book Exquisite Risk, by Mark Nepo โ€“ recommended when I took up classes to be a transformative coach in 2018.
    4. The book Hidden Learning, The way we are wired for intimacy by Professor Bruce A Stevens- recommended by a psychologist.
    5. The book Running on Empty, overcoming your childhood emotional neglect by Jonice Webb- it makes sense when read together with Hidden Learning.
    6. The book Development through the Life Span (2014) by Berk โ€“ Part of the Educational Psychology course text book.
    7. The book Adolescence (2017) by Laurence Steinberg – Berk โ€“ Part of the Educational Psychology course text book.

    I have to confess, I have not read completely the books mentioned in item 1, 3, 4 and 5. The picture frame that forms the boundaries of my life is still evolving. By Godโ€™s grace the outline has become clearer.

    I would handle the book by Mark with caution. While it has much to offer to support self-discovery but at the same time, it leaves too many portals open for potential for harm if one is without a robust GPS and destination that serves us. I would say the same for Hidden Learning and Running of Empty but to a lesser degree.

    I sense your capacity to appreciate the value of relativeness. I see relativeness holding value in the area of form. As such happiness as a perspective exists as a form. Substance on the other hand has the innate trait of being absolute. I offer this as food for thought.

    The journey will reveal matters close to the heart, to the soul that presents the choice. To determine whether this matter is a form (relative) or substance (absolute). Blending them demand more effort to make sense of the mix and to harmonize the natural conflicts. Relativism is the signature of our times, where the small truth has gained much ground over the big Truth. It is common now and trendy to denounce the Big Truth. Pontius Pilate words still echo true 2000 years later, โ€œWhat is the Truth?โ€ (John 18:38)

    Boundaries, relationships and friendships. The first two notions were alien to me. The last was a mirage that shattered. Your 1st post expounded on them beautifully. Relationship with one self in the form of self-love and self-esteem. These were also alien concepts prior to 2019. I grew up with autism. Autism in the 1970s was at its infancy. It became a significant public cause somewhere late 1990s. I know I have autism because after my mum passed, I began to realize that people communicate a lot of meaning and information by their facial cues, body language and tonal cues in their voice.

    Before 2019, I relied solely on the words people use to interpret their intentions. Not surprising, both my sons have autism as well. My eldest officially diagnosed with autism at age 3. Autism, or mind blindness, is experienced due to the failure of the brain to prune the excess (takes place as part of our biological clock at age 3 and at puberty) synapses which results in overcrowding in the brain and absence of super synaptic highways which are necessary for normal processing of emotional and social information. I learned this from the book that Berk wrote.

    I know what it to live a life without boundaries is. A trampled life, a disadvantaged life, a manipulated life, I lived this life with tenacity for 48 years. I turned 50 this year. My โ€œfriendsโ€ used me. At times I was a disposable tissue paper, and some like reusable masks. After 2019, many stopped becoming my friends. The friendship existed only in my imaginary world of mind blindness. Therefore I can truly appreciate the significance of the words โ€œinner circleโ€.

    We are a product of our birth conditions and our environment. They call this epigenetic. Childhood attachment or the lack of it forms the bedrock of our adult trajectory. I share your joy to know you have received parental love and acceptance. Attachment is both a biological experience where the body remembers as a primal emotion and a cognitive capacity to respond in ways that make sense to others.

    I grew up with effeminate traits too. Lack of alpha territorial behaviour, meek, soft spoken, emotional when not in the mind fog of autism, slow and gentle. Similar to your journey, I attracted social isolation, social discrimination and bullying. Mind blindness protected my soul from the consequences of emotional harm. I now see this as the loving God the Father protecting me. Mind blindness and my father passing at age 44 when I was 11 years old, shattered what it means to have a father and to be a father later in my adulthood. I am truly blessed to have a wife that accepted me unconditionally as my parents did. God was loving me through them.

    Effeminate traits, shyness and introverted temperament are genetic dispositions. Reading Berk will reveal the research that has taken place to support this claim. These along with our parental upbringing and other significant events such as who we marry, our children, major illness are part of what I call the Purpose of God that is weaved into the tapestry of our life. We have little say or no say over Godโ€™s purpose.

    After the awakening, I see the misfit that I am. I do not fit in. Incredulously against all odds, I ran a successful consultancy business since 2002 with 2 other partners. I am semi-retired now. Will probably retire from this line of work next year. Despite the measures of being a business stakeholder, staff reporting to me and material security, these do ameliorate the fact I am a social misfit. I do not describe this in a self-derogatory way. I am proud of my โ€œflawsโ€ as you are. God has purposed to create me differently. I celebrate this difference with you from the deepest recess of my soul. We resonate in this regard. The probability of birthing two genetically identical individuals according to Berk is 1:700 trillion. God is a true believer of diversity and uniqueness.

    I have benefited from your post. Your courage, your vulnerability and your eloquence created this breath of fresh air of authenticity for me to draw life from. I believe our paths will cross. Live a long meaningful life and prosper in your soul.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am so happy that you have fought and rose above those hurdles. I felt pain in my heart center as I was reading your comment. Our experiences are different, yet relative. Thank you for sharing your journey so other people will be also benefited from it.
      God put us in some hard situation either to learn or to save us. But he will never give you something you can’t handle. I am glad that you too have a loving, understanding and supportive family. It is always nice to have someone by your side, isn’t it?
      I am so happy that you embraced your “flaws”. If we start to love our flaws it can do wonders, It is the balancing factor in one’s life.
      There is nothing wrong with being different than the majority. We all need to stand out. Standing out is the new fitting in, I believe.
      Once again thank you for sharing your life journey and some useful resources. I will give them a try sometime. You comment really inspired and uplifted me. Thank you so much! I wish you all the happiness and prosperity in life. ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿผ

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Vysag Murali
    I just read your post. You are a strong person. You have survived the hardships but haven’t lost your courage, hope and spirit. Keep shining like gold ( the more it’s tempered, the more it shines).
    Don’t look so sad in your picture. Wear a smile. Look more handsome.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thanks, Vysag, for both your courage and vulnerability in sharing your heart and experience. You have let the Lord turn a bad thing into good for you and others– something we all need to do! (see Gen. 50:20, and Rom. 8:28 in the Bible for confirmation and models of this). ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

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