I’m back with my second post of my series “Life And Lessons”. I’m so happy for the love and support I received in the previous day. Thank you so much to everyone for your kindness. It means a lot to me. Without further delay, let’s get into our next part.
Another major lesson I learned or is still learning is in the department of self-love and self-esteem. I had a really bad childhood which was the timeline that might have caused me problems in these areas of life. I grew up feeling different from the people around me, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It wasn’t just my feeling but the fact. Nobody gets me. Also I have came across many bullies and toxic people all along. I have been bullied for not being masculine and for being too sensitive, empathetic, introverted and not having interest in things that usually boys choose to do. The first time I was bullied was in 1st standard of my school. I do not understand why one of my classmate made fun of me for being sensitive. What does we, 6 year old guys, knew about sensitivity and masculinity!?
So my school life was horrible with these craps which made me hate myself and I still remember this incident. While I was attending a wedding of my relative where an uncle, a distant relative insulted me publicly for being feminine, in front of many people. I smiled and pretended I was fine while my eyes where fighting to control the tears. It is not the first time he did this to me. I was shattered that day. I started to hate myself even more. Then I started to pull myself from such social events. I only attended those which really needed my presence.
Back when I was In 8th and then in 10th standard when I had to face some questions from crappy classmates. They all were directing their venom towards my family indirectly. As soon I knew that I thought they also are effected by me and I did not wanted to be a burden to them.
My family deserves a mention here. They were with me all along in this journey with me. My love and gratitude towards them is ineffable. Their love and care was the only reason I survived all these incidents. They are my strength. They did not understood me, but they had faith in me. They made me realize that sometimes you don’t need to be understood, just love and support can give you strength and courage.
When I look into my past I could only see acting. Me acting like the guys around me, adapting ideal masculine behavior. I tried to leave the generous, kind, my true self behind. I tried to fit in. I failed every time. But I try again, only because I wanted to get rid of those insults and pain they caused me. Whenever I tried to defend them I saw their enthusiasm intensified.
Those insults even made me think of ending my life not once, not twice but thrice. In my childhood I used pray god to kill me. I still remember those nights I cry myself to sleep praying to god to send me death. Much better in nowadays people don’t bully me directly. Instead they make fun of me behind my back. I know they do.
I’m so done with these bullies and judgemental mind of the society. How many suicides you people need to know that things you say hurt? Just because someone is different why would you all need to be against of them? in a sense, we all are unique, aren’t we? Thanks to my two best friends as well, for accepting me in the way I am.
Now I want to thank my bullies and others who tried to throw disgrace on me. You made realize how strong I am. You all reminded that people can tear my self-esteem but not my spirit. You all did nothing but was keep reminding me who I truly am. You all made me capable of figuring out myself, at a time when I had no idea about myself. The flaws you all saw in me are my biggest strength. Those flaws made me capable of overcome all these hardships and made me the person that today I am.
It all changed because I was exhausted by with all these acting and try to fit in. I hit the rock bottom. During a meditation, I got this intuitive message that “I need to stop being hard on myself. Why should I give importance the comments of people who are there only in a fraction of my life? Don’t act blind, answer is around you.”. Later on, my life was magical. I unexpectedly started seeing videos and posts of people who has similar issues to mine and only then I realized I’m not alone or I am not abnormal. One of my best friend literally asked me “What’s wrong with being different?” while another friend told me “some people are different because they are here to make a difference.”. To be honest the above mentioned friends of mine are my intuition and hopefully, angels.
Now I am completely in the process of accepting and loving myself. I’m committed to it. Nobody knows about all these incidents happened to me, not even my family and very closest friends. I was keeping this only to myself because I never wanted people to know. I might not be able to help each and every people who are going through a situation similar to mine. But I’m writing this post with a hope that someday someone who’s in need might come across my blog and read this post. I only wanted to let them know you are fantastic!!! you made it to this point and I am proud of you amazing spirit… I love you and keep going on. Realize that you are truly beautiful when you are being yourself. Don’t hate yourself for somebody that you are not, like I did, but love yourself for who you are. You are special.
You must realize that only after a googolplex (which is 1 followed by 10¹⁰⁰ zeroes) number of DNA combinations to form another you. It would take millions of years from now on. Even it happens so their personality would be entirely different from you due to their culture, background, and socio-economic situations and other factors. So take a moment and think, Do we need to hide and be afraid? Do we need to hate ourselves for people with scarce mentality who are always looking up to find flaws and bully us?
I know those words will not be a final resolution to your situation. But I wholeheartedly believe that you shall overcome. I am here to support you. Not for the sake of saying, but I will do anything I am able to do to support you. You can always get me at my social media accounts:
As I end this post, I wanted to say thank the God/Universe for giving me the strength and courage to overcome all these struggles. Once I used to think that my life is a mess and it won’t be peaceful anymore. I have asked a thousand times why all these happening to me?, and now I realize why, somebody out there might be in need would be benefited from this post. That’s the only motive behind writing this post.
I also want to let the bullies out there know that bullying is not right. It does nothing but bad. Think twice before you say something. It might be funny and makes you laugh. But it makes others feel bad about them and leads to hate for being who they are. Grow up people. Just because of someone is different than you, you have no right to look down upon them.
Dear society, guess what? standing out is the new fitting in! 😉
We all need to realize that the universe would not give us anything that we are not capable of tolerate or overcome. Everything happens for a reason, a good reason, to be specific. Whatever you have gone through, or going through, how hard it could be, is only there for the growth of you as an individual, for the growth of your soul. You will learn so many lessons and even you might share it in your blog or any other social media. Be proud of who you are, be grateful for being who you are. You are enough!
With so much love