Finally I feel like breathing fresh air. It was one horrible experience in my entire lifetime. But I feel so proud of myself for what I have overcome. It wasn’t easy at all. I’m an extremely private person who likes to keeps things about me to myself. But I decided to post about all these experiences hoping somebody out there will be benefited from all these writings of mine. This is a series post. I will be writing about my life in this series.
I recently had gone through a major, transformative and light shedding experience in myself where I learned so many valuable lessons. I was fighting with so much crap in my life including severe emotional pain, problems with self-love and self-esteem, some sort of loss, emotional instability, stress, etc. Fortunately and hopefully it came to an end, I believe.
I don’t know where to start with. Let start from the recent then go backward. The very recent lesson that I learned is that you should not give away your power. I mean the power you have for yourself. It is the key to the pleasant life. When you are not in your power, you let other people to treat you like a doormat. Say for instance I would like to share my experience that hurt me as well as frustrated me, when one of my friend (he says best friend) started to depend on me too much.
It would not be a big deal for me if was feeling myself good. Things began to boil up when he started to cross his boundaries. It was so hard for me to do anything because I was hurt and didn’t wanted us to end in bad terms. Initially I started to give him subtle signs and things. When I came to knew that it is not working I told him directly. I assume that either he didn’t understood the meaning of what I said or didn’t understood the seriousness of what I said.
When it comes friendships, not to brag, but I’m that kind of friend who will be there for you, who will listen to you no, patient, gives advice and support, etc. I am an introvert and always have hard time in socializing. I’m so selective when it comes to friends because, some might say superficial standard, I want them to not forcefully change me and accept me as the way I really am. Therefore I only allow very few people to enter into my inner circle. Also I believe any relationship should be mutual. But I don’t expect anything return. I don’t want my friends to listen to me as I do for them or be there for me every time. I didn’t knew that I was expecting appreciation subconsciously.
Basically it might be the reason that made the situation worse. I felt like my friend didn’t appreciated what I did for him every then and now. It may or may not be true. Nobody knows what is right or wrong. I detached myself from that friend, claimed my power back. I was crying to god to give a resolution to this situation. I was so exhausted. I was deeply hurt. I was so frustrated that things went wrong (I am a perfectionist). Slowly I forgave myself and others involved in the situation.
Now we’re just friends. I didn’t wrote this post to insult or disrespect my friend or anything. But to give an instance of a fraction of what I have dealt with these days. I don’t have any problem with him. I realized sometimes you need to accept things in the way they turns out. I wrote this post because I wanted it to release it out, only because it needed to be. I’m so sorry to my friend for whatever happened between us and for writing it in my blog. Though written with no intention to hurt you or insult you though.
Stick around for the next part.
(P.S. : This post is not written with any intention of hurting anyone’s feelings or emotions or to disrespect them. The only intention behind my post is to share my life experience)